cruisin

Just when I thought I had said my last word on politics for a while, along comes this email…

We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn’t forget that a lot of entertainers had
promised to leave the country if George W. Bush were to be re-elected
President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who
still want to keep their promise!

ATTENTION: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O’Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner,
Janeane Garafalo, Whoppi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil
Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently still a “meathead”), Barbara Streisand,
Jane Fonda, Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and
NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US
assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise,
“Elation,” which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation
homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a farewell parade in your honor
through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your
cruise. Please pack for an extended stay…at least four more years.

NOTE: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any!

Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise
director, Grey Davis, Purser Terry Heinz Kerry hopefully will be kept
somewhere below decks away from the media, Monica Lewinsky as the “Cigar
and Cigarette Girl”, entertainment by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce
Springsteen, John Kerry as your Life Guard in consideration of his past
experience in pulling people out of the water (unless he decides at the
last minute not to go!) He is advocating the elimination of the game
“shuffleboard” in favor of his new game he calls “waffleboard.” Be sure
to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing! Ted
Kennedy will double as Bartender and Director of Emergency Procedures,
Rev. Al Sharpton will provide inspirational services and Ex-Congressman
Gary Condit as intern coordinator.

If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes,
friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary
Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you’re gone, and she
can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

“Bon Voyage!” Is this a great country or what? It’s called freedom of
Speech.

Brandon, care to add anything about throwing Daschle on board while we’re at it?