frustration continues

My email server is still down! Walk the plank! I sent a quick message t' tech support about 3 hours after it went down last night but o' course they have been unable t' write me back thanks t' th' server bein' down. I just sent them a flame message inquirin' as t' why they claim 99% uptime yet can’t follow through. I’m about t' start searchin' fer a web host I think, or maybe I’m considerin' hostin' me own server. Regardless, here are th'  requirements t' be me host: 1) LINUX. I don’t care what flavor, but M$ is not even a remote consideration fer me hostin' needs. 2) mySQL/PHP support; 3) Catch-all forwardin'; 4) at least 25 email addresses and FTP logins; 5) Shell access via Telnet/SSH.

If ye can speak from personal experience about a reputable host, send me a note t'this address since me normal one is down.